It always puts me in a better mood to read the news.

U.S. troops kill 75 insurgents in Iraq offensive
Recent wave of insurgent attacks kills 300
Hmm, so who's winning this war again?
Aussie Officials Trade Pizza for Hostage
I would've kept the hostage. I can make pizza from hostage flesh. Well, I think I can. So far my potential hostages just run off whenever I say "Now I'll make pizza. From your still living FLESH!"
...maybe I should stop telling them that.
Ship crushes S Africa trawler, 14 missing
Haha, south africa. You got pwn'd by a shipful of refrigerators.