Will the highways of the internet become more few?
Last night I so was totally watching the fireworks in Estacada, (the town of inbred country-folk which lurks nearby and slurps its way gradually towards the city in the fashion of a creeping mold which is not deadly but may well end up giving you leprosy and/or malaisia [I can't remember if that's a disease or a country right now, but either way it's not a very good thing to get]). It kind of bothered me though, because their fireworks were really really ridiculously shitty. I kept thinking, "God would have done better, if He had an independence day." But what could oppress God in the first place? I mean, unless He used His invincible power to create something even more powerful than He was, but that would be kind of stupid. Maybe if He got distracted while making a spacelizard or some crazy new form of life for Existence-II He could. I dunno. But then if God managed to overthrow that supergod spacelizard, then God would probably make an independence day that was really spectacular.
Needless to say though, I ended up turning my back to the fireworks (bright flashes of light make me feel like God is taking my picture, like serial killers do right before they kill you) and wandering around until The Terrorist found me, and we had a short fight that ended in this old couple screaming really loudly for a long time and they didn't stop even after I quietly made my exit, I could hear them for like a couple minutes after...... maybe their hips had been broken in the fight, or The Terrorist was torturing them horribly, I dunno, it was pretty dark out, which had made it hard to gouge my opponent's eyes out so I had had to use my l33t Jesus Kombat night fighting skillz (which consist of trying to copy moves off Pitch Black in the name of God) on The Terrorist. That fight was a draw, but next time I'll carry a flashlight and make a shiv out of broken beer bottles, cotton candy, and Waldo's intestines, because I could have sworn I saw Waldo out there, but he's quite the tricky little fellow and disappeared while I was temporarily blinded by one of the brighter (but still shitty) firecrackers. Next time I'll catch him though, and when I do, I got some spleenin' to do, because I'm pretty sure it's legal to kill him, because isn't someone legally dead if you can't find them after two or three years of looking? And you can't go to jail for killing a dead man, right?
MOVIE REVIEW TIME
Also, I watched the first part of the movie Gothika, from the urgings of several people that were giving me these really weird looks, but then I decided it was as shitty a movie as I had suspected it was and turned it off. Why do you people like shitty movies? It is stupid.
Also, I watched the middle part of like Perseus Vs the Pegasus (not the name of the movie because I don't know the name of the movie but I think that's what it should be called), which was an awesome movie, they used claymation for the bad guys, except for when they had the really bad guys in which case they used projectors and had the good guys jumping around and spearing the wall with like... uh, spears.
Needless to say though, I ended up turning my back to the fireworks (bright flashes of light make me feel like God is taking my picture, like serial killers do right before they kill you) and wandering around until The Terrorist found me, and we had a short fight that ended in this old couple screaming really loudly for a long time and they didn't stop even after I quietly made my exit, I could hear them for like a couple minutes after...... maybe their hips had been broken in the fight, or The Terrorist was torturing them horribly, I dunno, it was pretty dark out, which had made it hard to gouge my opponent's eyes out so I had had to use my l33t Jesus Kombat night fighting skillz (which consist of trying to copy moves off Pitch Black in the name of God) on The Terrorist. That fight was a draw, but next time I'll carry a flashlight and make a shiv out of broken beer bottles, cotton candy, and Waldo's intestines, because I could have sworn I saw Waldo out there, but he's quite the tricky little fellow and disappeared while I was temporarily blinded by one of the brighter (but still shitty) firecrackers. Next time I'll catch him though, and when I do, I got some spleenin' to do, because I'm pretty sure it's legal to kill him, because isn't someone legally dead if you can't find them after two or three years of looking? And you can't go to jail for killing a dead man, right?
MOVIE REVIEW TIME
Also, I watched the first part of the movie Gothika, from the urgings of several people that were giving me these really weird looks, but then I decided it was as shitty a movie as I had suspected it was and turned it off. Why do you people like shitty movies? It is stupid.
Also, I watched the middle part of like Perseus Vs the Pegasus (not the name of the movie because I don't know the name of the movie but I think that's what it should be called), which was an awesome movie, they used claymation for the bad guys, except for when they had the really bad guys in which case they used projectors and had the good guys jumping around and spearing the wall with like... uh, spears.
posted by ☭CRUSH you. at 5:47 PM
2 Comments:
Computers are shitty, they like to eat you posts when you are like 9/10's of the way through.
Maybe you have just never seen really bright and sparkly fireworks? I'm used to the ones in Seasside, which, while I consider them also crappy, are like a lot times better than the estacadian ones were.
Gothika was that movie with the lopez girl in it, where her husband was big and bald and was killed and she was crazy and that cop had the funny eye and was evil or something, and there was also a bridge somewhere in the movie. And uh, there also was a bunch of crazy people too.
I often am struck with malaise while in Malasia.
I liked your Fireworks/God thing. I like your imagination. I like the thought that Waldo might be legally dead.
And no, I don't think the highways of the internet will become fewer..
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