Oops, I didn't mean to hit you... but I'm glad I did.

So I was riding the bus for the bajillionth time due to my inability to convince the DMV that I should be allowed to drive (I won't hit anyone else, I promise), and this guy clutches my shoulder from behind. I turn back, accidentally elbowing him in the face at the same time, and he just starts screaming and clutching his eye!! It was so weird. I kind of awkwardly turned to face foreward again, everyone was staring at me, I didn't know what to do so I just pasted on a fake smile. A couple people shook their heads, then they turned one by one back to their previous positions of empty stares out the windows or at the bus driver, and the guy's screaming slowly dissolved to crying and sob-whimpers... I almost felt bad, but by that time I'd just decided he was crazy, and it's real hard to feel bad for crazy people.

As summer comes to a close, people become more and more insistent about how important it is for me to go to their parties. Apparently my heartless cruelty and bitchy sarcasm is well-liked by some of the insipid masses I inflict it upon, and also older folks think I'm really cool because I make jokes that old people like (and sometimes I'll even let them have a little of their medication... but only a little! Nobody needs that much Celebrex!), and also my boyish good lucks have turned into sexy manly charm. Well, that last part is just a guess. But I think it's a good guess. Because, you know. I'm really hottt.


P.S. Mr. Children claimed I never put 'emotions' or 'real events' into my blog, which is why this post is so emotional.