Half-Naked Thursday

If you don't know what this is for, too bad. I'm not explaining it.



This was constructed from pictures of parts of me. Aren't I pretty?
...my icon is too part of me.


...no I will not spell naked incorrectly, you fascist bastards.

I swear on Fritz's life that this test is 100% accurate.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything! You would be forced to break up with someone who was arrogant, acting like the dictator of your life. Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Wow! This test is SO incredibly accurate!
I guess that cold-hearted immoral deviants like me really just want to be loved.
Either that or we're loved too often and have taken to using those who love us until they're physically, emotionally, and monetarily dry.

Why not try loving me and find out? (you can make a difference... if only you try.)

Ode To Eric (because he deserves it. and has had it coming for a while now.)

yo yo yo
diggity
jesus is yo home-boy
yo got more ho's than yo skin is black
bangin' on they back doors
knockin' up sluts
yo yo, yo, yo
chika pow wow chika wow wow pow wow
oooohhhh.... snap!
yo yo, got th' mad skillz of a artistographer
an' yo got mo' philosophizzy in the shizzy with the hizzy then you get right bizzy
but they other playas hatin' on yo
yo yo yo yo
diggity
they ain't got nothing on yo homey
yo and got dey hippies at yo junio' college
yo yo
drinkin' beer gettin' high smokin' dope hittin' acid
yo know that shit sterilizes yo spermology in the house
but dawg yo ain't got no pheer
yo yo yo
cuz yo believe in jesus
not heysoos you crazy mexican ho it's fuckin' jesus

I'll drizzle yo a pitcher in da house homey, just yo wait-izzle.

I feel cooool.

Joe Normal 13 % Nerd, 4% Geek, 4% Dork

For The Record: A nerd is a foolish, inept, or unnattractive person. A geek is a person regarded as foolish, inept, or clumsy, a person accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is socially inept, or a canival performer whose show conssists of bizarre acts. A dork is a stupid, inept, or foolish person, or a whale's penis. You scored less than half in all three, earning you the title of: Joe Normal. This is not to say that you don't have some Nerd, Geek or Dork inside of you--we all do, and you can see the percentages you have right above. This is just to say that none of those qualities stand out so much as to define you. Sure, you enjoy an episode of Star Trek now and again, and yeah, you kinda enjoyed a few classes back in the day. And, once in a while, you stumble while walking down the street even though there was nothing there to cause you to trip. But, for the most part, you look and act fairly typically, and aren't much of an outcast. I'd say there's a fair chance someone asked you to take this test. In any event, fairly normal. Congratulations! If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 4% on nerdiness You scored higher than 1% on geekosity You scored higher than 0% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid

sooo I'm 4% foolish, inept, or unnattractive, 1% carnie, and 0% whale penis.

I bet eric gets 100% whale penis. (On the other hand, I'm probably only saying that to piss him off.)

Sluts are funny because they have sex all over the place. Sometimes even in.... closets.

The local Safeway is remodeling. Apparently they plan to have a big Opening Sale. Because they're remodeling. Even though they never closed. Maybe they're planning on changing their name, and what they sell. No more Safeway, now it's Dangerousway: Food & Drug + Sex & Violence.
I went in to check it out (and to buy some of that sex, offer free violence, try out some of their drugs and eat some of their food), and I saw one of those little donation cans for the poor starving orphaned hurricane babies. It said I could pay 5$ to give toothbrush and toothpaste to starving adoption baby. 10$ to give baby supplies to starving adoption baby. Or 15$ to give food and shelter to starving adoption baby. I asked the clerk if I could give 15$ to give toothbrush and toothpaste to three starving adoption babies, but not give any of them food, and she just gave me a dirty look. Here I am trying to be generous, and she gives me dirty looks. I just don't think starving adoption babies need food as much as they need clean teeth and gums.
They didn't have any sex for sale (I asked), and people freaked out when I started punching this fat guy (apparently he was just a really ugly pregnant woman), but I did buy some ZAP!© (I plan to grind it up, put it in some cookies, and give it to this old lady I know, I bet it's gonna be real funny, either that or really sad. I hope she has a strong heart) and some pasta sauce and some linguini. I got the pasta sauce and linguini because I like acting Italian. A telemarketer called later, I told her "I got-a me some-a pasta sauce and-a the linguini, mario luigi, spaghetti-o's and you want-ta come over and-a have the sex?" That bitch hung up on me though. I thought Italian accents were supposed to be sexy. I ended up throwing the linguini at the dog because I don't like linguini and he doesn't like linguini but he eats whatever I throw at him because he's a freak, and the pasta sauce kind of psyched me out because it didn't have an expiration date on it (it was made before they started dating things!!!) so I hurled it at my neighbor's car. It was a glass bottle, it broke his window, but didn't break. That kind of pissed me off. Damned cheap new-age cars. After a couple minutes I saw him creep out of his house, look in his car, grab the bottle and go back into his house..... I bet he put it on some linguini because he probably likes that shit, fucking weirdo.

It's just like making a cake. A cake that explodes and kills people.

I was creeping back and forth along the roadside beside my hole of residence, when I noticed a number of police cars pull in to my neighbor's driveway. Not the camel penis neighbor, mind you, this was two doors down from me, those annoying Ukrainians who've been holding a grudge against me for the past six fucking years, just because I celebrate Halloween and they think it is a ridiculous holiday. What is so terrible about trying to frighten or hospitalize their children all the time, or hurling eggs, toiletpaper, rocks, and molotov cocktails at their home a few dozen days of the year? Fucking commies, they think they are smarter than me because they do not believe in God. Haha, one time they come by my house and ask why I do these things to them, I tell them I don't know how it happened because it is an act of God and apparently he does not exist. Oh, anyways, what happened today. I sneaked up to the house through the trees and some rocks, and touched a police officer from behind. You must understand, police here are not like police in other places. They are not so much police as independent agents who follow archaic laws and a twisted system of right and wrong. Some will gas you if you are just standing over a body on your lawn with a large bloody knife, others don't mind when you handcuff them to a bed and have sex with them for days (although they usually demand cash), and it is impossible to tell the difference! It turned out the police I had touched was not the latter. She smashed me in the face with a nightclub and stabbed me with her bayonette. She claimed they were making a drug bust!!! I did not know the Ukrainians were making drugs! I thought they were just assholes. This does explain so many things though, why they were always so secretive, why they didn't like it when I broke into their homes late at night, why they were always selling drugs, why they had a drug lab in their basement. The police officer was at this point handcuffing me just because I have the wrong skin tone. However, before she had a chance to entrap me in her automobile, it began to rain! This distraction, combined with a drug-crazed Ukrainian boy firing a volley of bullets at all four cars and the assembled officers, enabled me and several of the Ukrainians to escape to my home. I generously allowed them to stay in my reasonably drug-free basement, imposing upon them only the pminor restrictions of being bound, gagged, and beaten severely.

The police call my home 'deathtrap' nobody ever comes out, but I think that is mean because I go in and out all the time and nothing bad ever happens to me. Except that thing with the squirrels when I tried making a tree fort, because squirrels are fucking stupid. But other than that nothing at all.

Stolen from fritz, spinning girl, and luna nina.

I wonder what a criminal profiler would have to say about this?

Julie::Garland
Emotional::whore
Head of household::sex
Diva::slut
Devastation::bloodlust
Business or pleasure::both
Crown::incest
Eastern::middle
Buzzed::sex
Officer::beating a black man