It's just like making a cake. A cake that explodes and kills people.

I was creeping back and forth along the roadside beside my hole of residence, when I noticed a number of police cars pull in to my neighbor's driveway. Not the camel penis neighbor, mind you, this was two doors down from me, those annoying Ukrainians who've been holding a grudge against me for the past six fucking years, just because I celebrate Halloween and they think it is a ridiculous holiday. What is so terrible about trying to frighten or hospitalize their children all the time, or hurling eggs, toiletpaper, rocks, and molotov cocktails at their home a few dozen days of the year? Fucking commies, they think they are smarter than me because they do not believe in God. Haha, one time they come by my house and ask why I do these things to them, I tell them I don't know how it happened because it is an act of God and apparently he does not exist. Oh, anyways, what happened today. I sneaked up to the house through the trees and some rocks, and touched a police officer from behind. You must understand, police here are not like police in other places. They are not so much police as independent agents who follow archaic laws and a twisted system of right and wrong. Some will gas you if you are just standing over a body on your lawn with a large bloody knife, others don't mind when you handcuff them to a bed and have sex with them for days (although they usually demand cash), and it is impossible to tell the difference! It turned out the police I had touched was not the latter. She smashed me in the face with a nightclub and stabbed me with her bayonette. She claimed they were making a drug bust!!! I did not know the Ukrainians were making drugs! I thought they were just assholes. This does explain so many things though, why they were always so secretive, why they didn't like it when I broke into their homes late at night, why they were always selling drugs, why they had a drug lab in their basement. The police officer was at this point handcuffing me just because I have the wrong skin tone. However, before she had a chance to entrap me in her automobile, it began to rain! This distraction, combined with a drug-crazed Ukrainian boy firing a volley of bullets at all four cars and the assembled officers, enabled me and several of the Ukrainians to escape to my home. I generously allowed them to stay in my reasonably drug-free basement, imposing upon them only the pminor restrictions of being bound, gagged, and beaten severely.

The police call my home 'deathtrap' nobody ever comes out, but I think that is mean because I go in and out all the time and nothing bad ever happens to me. Except that thing with the squirrels when I tried making a tree fort, because squirrels are fucking stupid. But other than that nothing at all.